Today in the mirror

Today was one of those days when you know it just won't be right. it started when i woke up this morning. laied in bed for an extra 10 minutes praying that maybe its a dream and i won't have to get up and look in the mirror and see what i try so hard to avoid. well no it wasn't a dream and i dragged myself out of the bed i worked to become me cocoon of safety... and mine. the mirror i pass three just getting to the bathroom. i finally look up. i don't notice the bed hair (that is lasting a year), i look past the puddles of mascara and tears around my red puffy eyes, i hardly notice the planet growing on my chin. what i do see is the pain and the ideas that have so humbly moved into my head. and i don't think they are leaving anytime soon. i see the disappointment, the hurt that i caused or experience. i see the mess that is left of me. my thoughts have been invaded and its hard to see the good.