They say running away never solves anything. But I've been thinking... Who decided this? Have they tried it? And who are 'they' ? Well whoever they are I hope their wrong. It's human to want to leave everything behind. And I know it's Selfish and wrong and unfair, but as of now it's what I need. Besides shouldn't I put myself first? Just this one rime?

Messed up

I think I'm a let down. Scratch that I am. I just can't get it right. I know I can't make everybody happy, but at least one person would be nice. Geez I can't even make myself smile. I look around and I see everybody else sparkle. The are so freaking happy. They are all smiles, and hugs, high fives, they have people to see, people to meet, and more. They even burst with laughter and I just look in awe and think what happened to me.. Wasn't I one of those people not even a year ago? What changed and why can't I be happy go lucky? Seeing others looking god and having fun I look at myself and just want to run. So I do. I've found other people and reasons to laugh... They can't see it and they worry. I don't want or need them to worry. I just want stop and run away. Is it terrible that I really want to just escape? I don't want them to come after me, I don't want my phone, I just want to drive, and only stop for has, bathroom, food and sleeping. I need to see what else I can be. Or maybe it's me that I'm looking for...?

Shit Happens

It's been a day of emotions and crap. the morning= rough. school= difficult. after school= exciting. night= crap. why is it then when one thing happens, and makes your day, that someone has to pull the rug from under you and leave you on your ass again.

Today in the mirror

Today was one of those days when you know it just won't be right. it started when i woke up this morning. laied in bed for an extra 10 minutes praying that maybe its a dream and i won't have to get up and look in the mirror and see what i try so hard to avoid. well no it wasn't a dream and i dragged myself out of the bed i worked to become me cocoon of safety... and mine. the mirror i pass three just getting to the bathroom. i finally look up. i don't notice the bed hair (that is lasting a year), i look past the puddles of mascara and tears around my red puffy eyes, i hardly notice the planet growing on my chin. what i do see is the pain and the ideas that have so humbly moved into my head. and i don't think they are leaving anytime soon. i see the disappointment, the hurt that i caused or experience. i see the mess that is left of me. my thoughts have been invaded and its hard to see the good.